how are you?

i love you
i love you
i love you

Jeremiah 31:3 "I've never quit loving you and never will.
Expect love, love, and more love!"

Once Again, Matt Redman

Jesus Christ, I think upon Your sacrifice
You became nothing, poured out to death
Many times I've wondered at Your gift of life
And I'm in that place once again
I'm in that place once again

And once again I look upon the cross where You died
I'm humbled by Your mercy and I'm broken inside
Once again I thank You
Once again I pour out my life

Now You are exalted to the highest place
King of the heavens, where one day I'll bow
But for now I marvel at Your saving grace
And I'm full of praise once again
I'm full of praise once again

Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the cross, my friend

summary of the month

Called Mom & sisters over the Chinese New Year weekend,
didn't miss home that much though. Still hard to believe that my eldest sister are now a proud grandmother of three - a little boy and a set of twin girl.
She and the other sisters used to tell me all the time how they pleaded with Dad not to give me away because i was such adorable baby.
Maybe that's why i'm so close to my sisters, and its always nice to hear their voices over the phone.
Finally, after months of uncertainty we are now back on track - i am going home...just that 'home" is now a little foreign to me!

I am here

I don’t know if things will get any better or worse?
Should I be keeping quiet or keep fighting this curse?
Someday it’s manageable another day I caved
I think I no longer care as I comb my thick black hair
I just want to disintegrate into the thin air

Yet there’s this whisper in my ear
I AM* here
There’s some thing worth fighting for
The sun is shining and the sky is blue
You are worth more than the sparrows and the lilies of the field
The sun is shining and the skies are blue
You are worth more than the sparrows and the lilies of the field


*Exodus 3:14 “I AM THE ONE WHO ALWAYS IS”

Psalm 18:16-19 (the message)

16But me he caught--reached all the way from sky to sea;
he pulled me out of that ocean of hate,
17that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning.
18They hit me when I was down but GOD stuck by me.
19He stood me up on a wide-open field;
I stood there saved--surprised to be loved!

beauty exposed / El Shaddai

desperate and helpless
drown in my perverted nature
in total depravity
like the trees
stripped of their glorious autumn colors
stark-naked

but here in lies the beauty of it all
You see past my shortcomings,
my misplaced affections and worldly pretense
and amidst the ugliness of self,
the jewel made in Your Image
You love me just as i am

there's nothing i can do to gain Your love
nor anything i can do to forfeit it
I need You
and even before the words are formed in my mouth
i'm in the Arms of Love
the apple of Your eye


Psalm 16:2 "....apart from you i have no good thing."

Samuel Menashe

my mother once said to me,
when one sees the tree in leaf one thinks
the beauty of the tree is its leaves,
and then one sees the bare tree.

Are we there yet?

All of us are heading somewhere
In a fast car on the highway
Or trotting down the narrow path
You are on your way
Do you know where you are going?

We drink and make merry
Live life to its fullest
We moan and groan, happy or sad
We love and hate, grief rivers of tears
And ask like a child, "Are we there yet?"

We will reach our destination somehow
Some sooner then others
With peacefull anticipation or unexpected departure
Into the light or darkness
The markers are clear whichever way you travel

Still yet for some
*Wait un‘til the sun turns black
the moon all bloody, the sky rolls up
and stars fall off to the earth
"Yes, I'’m on my way! I'’ll be there soon!..." Rev.7:12

*Revelations 6:12-14

tell me

why
up the ladder is heaven
and spiral
downward is hell?

all i know is
wherever i go you'll be there
why
would you care?*

should i dare
to go on my own way
even then
you are never faraway!

* Psalm 8: 3-4

Rock of Ages

took this picture at Detroit Metro Airport...
"you are beautiful"
was just what i needed to hear after traveled all day,
exhausted and feeling rotten inside,
and that's God and His sense of humor!
first - the one and a half hour drive to the airport,
then the endless waiting in lines for check in and
immigration clearance and the 8 hours flight back to States,
not too bad to end the year -
(about 5 hours lay over at Detroit,
2 more hours on the plane and got back home just after midnight),
well, when one get to sleep in ones own bed -
it's certainly a good start to the New Year!
Happy New Year.

Hebrew 12:2 "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..."

The climate's delicate, the air most sweet,
Fertile the isle, the temple much surpassing
The common praise it bears.

-winter's tale, shakespeare

Lend me your hope

Lend me your hope for awhile, i seem to have mislaid mine.
Lost and hopeless feelings accompany me daily, pain and confusion are my companions.
i know not where to turn;
looking ahead to future times does not bring forth images of renewed hope.
i see troubled times, pain-filled days, and more tragedy.

Lend me your hope for awhile, i seem to have mislaid mine.
Hold my hand and hug me; listen to all my ramblings, recovery seems so far distant.
The road to healing seems like a long and lonely one.

Lend me your hope for awhile, i seem to have mislaid mine.
Stand by me, offer me your presence, your heart and your love.
Acknowledge my pain, it is so real and ever present.
i am overwhelmed with sad and conflicting thoughts.

Lend me your hope for awhile; a time will come when i will heal,
and i will share my renewal, hope, and love with others.

-author unknown

we all need someone or something to lift us up now and then.
the above poem was from this morning's reading.
i am no way near where the author was when he/she penned down the poem;
but all of us need hope to face tomorrow.
that's why a Child was born 2000 years ago -
for me,
and for you.

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him,
so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

what a day!

i had a restless night -
in between the tossing and turning was my confession
and acknowledgment of God's grace and his goodness.
What's the worst thing that can happened?
Even then God is still good and He is faithful.
There is absolutely nothing i can do to make things better -
and only then you realized
that the only thing you can do is to stand back
and see what amazing thing God can do,
and will do for you.

my first winter

I spent one whole year in different parts of Europe.
It was Christmas when I arrived in Germany.
It was not a white Christmas but it snowed a few days later.
That was my first winter.
I was out on the roadwhen it began to snow.
It was fascinatingto watch the snowflakes drifting down from the sky.
I was mesmerized.
I remembered standing there looking up with my arms outstretched;
it was magical.
I must have stood there for a long time because I was sick in bed for days after that.

van gogh's quotation

"If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite,
something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it.
I think that I see something deeper, more infinite,
more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby
when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle."

thread of love

I don’t know why I bother to mend my boys tattered jeans.
I could just walk into Goodwill or Rugged Warehouse
and pay five to ten bucks for a decent pair.
The problem is the boys like their old jeans,
“It’s comfy”
“I like the color”
“This design fits me’
“It’s my favorite jeans”
Now these are no-name, non-designer jeans, and mostly from the clearance racks.
I never wanted my boys to appear like tatterdemalions,
but here I am dutifully mending their torn wears albeit the old fashion way .
The picture of Mom mending our clothes while I was young came to mind
and subconsciously in this somewhat mundane activity
I felt connected to Mom even though she is ten thousands miles away.
Most of my sisters are good seamstresses
and now still sew in their spare time for extra cash.
Being the youngest daughter,
I was never good at needlework but every pair of jeans I mend with love, sometime a drop of blood too.
I think this is the way God mends our broken hearts
and relationships in our lives.
The difference is that the thread of love He uses interweaves with his grace
and goodness that will never come apart again.

it's snowing!

an African girl squealed delightfully
as thousands of delicate petals
fell from the sky
moments like these
are pictures of
eternity

breakfast by the sea

That's where Jesus met Peter & the rest after his resurrection,
that being his third appearance to them.
It's a no brainer where to find Peter - in his state of mind with what he had gone through:
Jesus was captured,
he denied Jesus three times,
Jesus was crucified, then placed in a tomb;
and Jesus' resurrection and appeared in person...
it all seems too much for anyone to take it all at once or at lost of what to do.
So he went back to what's familiar, what he knew before.

Jesus sought Peter out,
fed him breakfast and then asked him what matters most to him,
"Do you love me?" Three times.
In doing so,
Jesus restored Peter with forgiveness and
help Peter to refocused on what's the mission
and reinstated Peter for ministry.

i had my own "breakfast by the sea" today.
when He looked into my eyes and help me see that at the core of my heart,
i want to go back where there are safe and familiar,
i have been away from home for too long, i do not wish to raise finance etc....

"Lord,You know that i love you."
restore me
help me refocus
on what's on Your heart
and what's Your next step
for me

(taste) and see

i went to the advance screening of End Of The Spear this morning.
The film is based on the true story about five young men who were speared by Waodani Indians in 1956,
and told from the perspective of the one who lead the spearing raid.
Tears welled up in my eyes as soon as the movie began,
when the yellow plane sailed over the river in the heart of Amazon;
my tears flowed through out the movie.

This is a simple yet poignant story between father and son,
and more so the later with the killer,
when both came face to face in the climax of the movie,
and ultimately found the answer at the end of the spear.

a powerful movie not to be missed.
MPAA Rating: PG-13 - for intense sequences of violence.

i am so in love with....

je suis ainsi dans l'amour avec l'automne -
¡el otoño es mi estación preferida del año!
all the trees dressed up in their finest,
their colorful display is mesmerizing,
drawing me further and deeper into the woods....
ahhh, i'm hopelessly in love with Autumn!